Mumbai Honkers

Mumbai drivers are funny creatures and they have a particuarly special relationship with their car horn. There are different types of honkers to be found in the city and over the following days I’ll try my best to classify them into their different identities.

I. The Constant Honkner

This guy will drive along at a regular speed behind other guys and emit a constant and regular stream of honks that are seemingly unrelated to anything happening on the road around him. He is not being slowed down by traffic and there is no one getting in his way, but he still feels the need to keep honking just in case.

II. The Random Guy

Similar to above, this guy’s honking seemingly has no relationship to events happening outside his car. this guy just likes the sound of his own horn, so to speak, and as such just likes to push every now and then, even if he is the only other car on the road.

III. The ‘I’m here’ honker

This guy feels the need to make sure everyone else on the road is aware of his presence. Perhaps this stems from a deep insecurity, maybe he was abandoned as a child, but whatever happened he is damn annoying. This guy will come up right behind you and honk no matter if he wants to pass or not. Then if he does pass he will always give a honk as he is doing so, just to remind you again ‘here I am, don’t forget me ok? I’m just here.. now I’m passing, see?’.

IV. The Honk of Determination

This honk often wins on the road due its absolute total ability to irritate and annoy the hell out of everyone else. The Honk of Determination is often used in cases of urgency and is used to supercede all other honkers in the vicinity. The Honk of Determination is often used when the car in front is blocking a free turn and is distinguished by its constant and unyielding hand on the honker. This honk doesn’t stop until it gets its way. Often challenged by the Honk of Frustration, the Honk of Determination is a chief of the Honks and it takes real guts to pull off a proper one. The Mumbai record for a Honk of Frustration currently sits at 10 minutes and 34 seconds, at which stage the honker in question was pulled out of his car and beaten to a pulp by a Honker of Frustration.

V. Premature Honkulater.

This is most commonly recognised at traffic lights and is characterised by a premature honk before the traffic light has changed. Often incorrectly identified as a Honk of Frustration, this honk is actually a early response to build up on tension experienced when faced with a red light.

VI. The Honk of Frustration

One of the more common honks, this honk can be most often found behind slow cars, bullock carts, and cars that fail to move the instant a traffic light changes to green. Also can be often found trying to challenge other honks, such as the Honk of Frustration.